Monday, September 7, 2009

Breaking Down

After this weekend, I can now officially say I’ve entered the real world and am a “Big Girl” now. It’s taken nearly two months, but it finally hit me. Blake thought it would take me about a month before I broke down with all the new changes in my life, but I made it to two months.

It was Friday night and I had just got home from work around 7:30. Blake was leaving to go back home for the weekend and a football game, and I was left working on my Master’s. I started stressing out because I had to work the next day (yes, on a Saturday), and three assignments are due on Tuesday (mind you, I have to work today, Labor Day, also). I started thinking about all the things I have to do, and started crying. It all just hit me like a big rock. I finally broke down. The stress of not getting enough sleep because I’m trying to work on my Master’s after work (when I get home around 7:30), the responsibility of keeping house, not living with my parents anymore, and the new adjustment to paying for everything by myself made me lose it. (Is that everything???) I called my mom telling her I wanted to quit my Master’s. It was too much. I wanted to throw in the towel.

After speaking with my amazing mom, she made me realize it’s all possible. I know it wasn’t her intent, but I also felt guilty and well, honestly, stupid. I mean, come on, how blessed am I? I have my health, I have the most incredible boyfriend of almost three years, an adorable little puppy, I’m renting a house on a golf course, I get to take care of two great toddlers by the beach, my friends are always there for me, and I have the most supportive and understanding parents. There are people out there who are single moms of multiple children, working multiple jobs just trying to get by, who still find time to finish school! I need to stop complaining and get myself together!

My mom helped me figure out that I need to stop sleeping in and watching Martha Stewart. (Instead, I subscribe to her mailing list.) If I wake up early in the morning before going to work (because I don’t go in until mid-morning) and work on my Master’s, I won’t have to do it when I get home. Therefore, when I get home, I will have time to spend with Blake (of course, that’s only if he isn’t studying), play with Indy, cook dinner, and do any other miscellaneous chores or whatnot.

I am determined to make it happen! Things are changing in my life and although it won’t always be easy, there are definitely wonderful things to come.

Have a happy Labor Day everyone. Stay safe!


P.S. I now understand what people mean when they say, “I wish I were still in college.” It’s so true. I couldn’t wait to get out, but now I wish it never ended! Where did the time go?

6 comments:

  1. Just popped onto your blog!
    You shouldn't be so hard on yourself... what you are going through is very overwhelming - a lot of change! It is okay to get down, or feel like you can't do it.
    Thank goodness for moms... they seem to put everything into perspective! I miss college too. I am one of those single moms you talk of - and the balancing effect becomes far more intense when in this situation! lol
    Keep at it, you will be so happy you did :)

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  2. Thank you, Amber. I appreciate the encouragement!

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  3. Aren't moms the BEST!!! I always call mine when I have a problem! So glad to hear you're going to keep up with your Masters! It's definitely a shock when you leave home at first and start to realize, "OK, I'm growing up...now what??!?!"

    To answer your question, I do go to FSU :) I absolutely love it!!

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  4. Hey! I just found your blog! My bf is an MS3 and I am working full time as well as going to school part time for my masters. Kepp up the blogging, I would love to know how the other people liek me live out there :)

    p.s. just moved into my own studio, hello tripled rent from living with a roommate. Life is rough.

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  5. You are so right, college was the best! I went to grad school right after and thought it would be a continuation -- wrong. BUT what I have learned is that growing up has its perks too, you just have to look for them a little more some times! You'll find your rhythm. Don't worry!

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  6. Just found your blog through the doctorwives blog. Am the wife of a first-year resident, and this post rings so true. I get stressed and down - and then I feel The Guilt. But if it helps, know that you aren't alone. It IS hard to be in this situation. But you will make it. Hang in there!

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