Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I'm Still Here!

Hi Y'all!
Sorry I've been a terrible blogger. It's Blake's winter break from med school so we've been visiting with our family for the past two weeks. We've been busy, busy bees. But don't you worry! I've been taking TONS of pictures (mostly of my sweet little girl who's growing like a weed) and I can't wait to share them. Since Blake starts back to school on Monday, I, too, will figure out get back into a routine and get back to regular blogging. I've missed you all so much. (And I've been keeping up with you, just not commenting) Thank you, also, for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. 
I hope everyone had a blessed holiday. HAPPY NEW YEAR! See ya in 2011, yo!

xoxo,
Katie

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

This Too Shall Pass

First of all, thank you for your generous support through this trying time. I was going to share my story, but after discussing it with my husband and doctor we've decided to keep it private. However, if you or someone you know is going through Postpartum Depression, PLEASE send them my e-mail: loyallovinglearning[at]ymail[dot]com
I'd love to help a sista out if need-be!
I am well on my way to feeling like myself again. Being with my family, and especially my precious little daughter has helped immensely. 
Motherhood is much harder than I ever expected, but it sure is rewarding.
Just look at this face:
[again, sorry for the iphone picture quality]

God Bless!
This Too Shall Pass

Monday, December 20, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Today's my birthday, yo!

I'm the big 2-4!
{My lucky number!}

We're in town visiting our parents for the holidays and so my mom asked me what I wanted for dinner. I told her my favorite childhood meal: spaghetti with meat sauce with a side of raw cucumbers and raw green peppers with peanut butter.

Weird? Perhaps.
But that's what the birthday girl wants! HA!

*****
Okay, in serious news. I have something to share and I debated posting about it. But here goes. I have postpartum depression. I'm not ready to share my story, as I've yet to sit down and write it any way, but I wanted to let you know. This past week was the hardest and scariest time of my entire life. I have immediately gotten help from my doctors and am on medication. I am doing much better. There's still a long road ahead, but I am strong and will get through it. My husband and daughter are my rocks.
At first I was ashamed, but now I just want to bring awareness to other moms. Postpartum depression is serious and it needs to be taken care of immediately. I'm thankful I am getting the help I need.

Please keep my family and me in your prayers. This is something that will take some time to heal. I will share my story soon--I feel it's extremely important.

Until them, we're super busy showing off our adorable little love, decorating for Christmas, and visiting with friends and family. 
Life is good.
[sorry for the iPhone picture quality]
I hope everyone is enjoying the holidays!
xoxo

Friday, December 17, 2010

ONE MONTH, BABY!

Dear Emmalyn Grace,

Oh my gawd! You are ONE MONTH old! I cannot believe it. I don’t even know where to begin or how to form the words I want to say. You are my everything. From the moment I laid eyes on you and held you in my arms, I knew you were mine f.o.r.e.v.e.r. The feeling in my heart in unexplainable. I just want to shout from the rooftops that you’re MY girl and are the most incredible being in the entire world. I don’t even think that would do my feelings for you justice.
The whole last month has gone by way too fast....  

There are many things that happened this FIRST month:
At three days old, you found your thumb and love it. You sometimes like tummy time, but mommy makes you do it any way, which is why you have such strong neck muscles already! You’ve been strolled around the neighborhood numerous times. And while you hate being put in your car seat, once we’re moving you’re a happy little baby. You’ve experienced your first Thanksgiving and Hanukkah. 


On December 1, you went on your first outing with just Mommy. We went to a "Little Nippers" class at the Women's Center for new moms. It was a huge success because you were such a good girl [thank you!]. On the 3rd, we decided to give you a pacifier because you're always trying to suck on your fingers or ours. Sometimes you like it and other times you spit it out. You've had your first playdate already, with Aidan, and he was just smitten with you. You've also had your first tear, but just out of your left eye. You've been a busy little bee, too, running errands with mommy to Walmart, Target, Michael's Crafts, Petco, and Publix. You're such a good little helper :) 


You've only had one really cranky day [knock on wood]. You had your first diaper blow-out and Mommy froze! (ha!) Thank goodness GG was here to help. You had your first 'real' bath and you weren't too pleased. Mommy and Daddy got it on the video camera and we can't wait to show it to you one day. Your second and third baths went much better! You didn't even cry until it was time to get dressed. We think you're going to be a water baby. [Not like you have a choice because Mimo and Papo can't wait to take you out on their boat and teach you how to water ski.] 


Mommy and Daddy have been waking you up at night to feed, but since the doctor was pleased with your weight gain, she said we didn't have to wake you up anymore. So, Tuesday, (Dec. 14) night, you felt asleep at 11pm and Mommy ended up waking you at 5:30am to eat, then you went back down until 8:30am! You love sleeping in your sleep-rocker and mommy loves that you're right next to her. Noises don't seem to disturb you--especially your furbrother's barks. [thank goodness!] I don't know how long you'll stay in our bedroom, but for now it works for everyone.


We're so happy you are so low-maintenance [I wonder how long that'll last! hehe] In the mornings, you listen to Mommy sing her two 'Good Morning' songs (off-key of course) and when you're fussy, you love Daddy's 'Curious Baby' song he made up. I love just watching you watch me. And when you smile? Oh, how my heart melts. And when you stick out your bottom lip when you're upset? Heart.melts.even.more. Mommy calls you "Sour Puss" when you do it. [Oh, but it's so cute]


Emmalyn, I can't tell you how much you mean to me. You have been my strength through these hard times. I love you so much it hurts.
With all my heart and soul...
Forever your Mommy,
I love you...



Birth Weight:
6lbs 14 oz.
Current Weight:
7lbs 8oz
*
Birth Length:
20 inches
Current Length:
20.5 inches

A look back at the FIRST MONTH:


I love her.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Baby's 1st Ornament

I've been trying to find an ornament for Emmy's first Christmas, but decided it would be more meaningful and memorable if I made one for her instead. [Meaningful and memorable for mom... lol] Plus, I needed something quick and easy because it's a lot harder to get big projects done these days!

I got a clear ornament and here's what I filled it with:




I also put in pearls and rhinestones but forgot to take pictures.

Then, these letter stickers for her name:



I'm pleased with how it turned out
:)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Emmy's Getting Married

Okay, well not quite yet. But when she does... this is going to be her husband:

It's already been arranged. 
The End.

{tehe}

Emmalyn had her first playdate on Monday. My friend, and fellow med school wife, Ashley came over with her super adorable son, Aidan. Of course Em is too little for Aidan to play with {sorry buddy!} but it was still cute having them together.


;)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Three Weeks

I just wanted to thank you all for sending me well wishes for my recovery. It was definitely a scary time--not knowing why I was feeling so sick; having to go to the ER twice; hearing my doctor say she doesn't know what's going on with me; getting referred to specialists. I'm glad I listened to my body and went with my instinct. I'm feeling 100% better! Now, I just have the normal postpartum symptoms of mommyhood... TIREDNESS! 
{lol}

But as for everything else, I couldn't be happier. I wanted to do weekly updates on baby and mom, but never thought I'd be so out of it for two weeks. So here we are, at THREE WEEKS:




Baby Stats:

Sleep: 
Emmalyn's sleep is still semi-unpredictable. But she does sleep a lot. Blake and I have found that she loves to be most awake somewhere between the hours of 11pm and 3am. My mom said I was the same way. She used to watch Johnny Carson with me; and here I am, now watching Leno and Fallon. {payback?} Emmy doesn't like to sleep flat on her back in the pack 'n play, so we have her in Fisher Price's Rock n Play Sleeper. My cousin Holly sent it to us and it's been a life saver. I would highly recommend it to any new moms. It folds up and is light-weight so you can bring it anywhere in your house. 

Feed: 
Emmy is eating 2oz every three hours during the day, with two four-hour stretches at night. We're going to try to up some of her feedings during the day to 3oz so she (and mom and dad) can get a longer stretch of sleep at night. 

Daily Routine:
What routine? {ha} The day basically consists of me running around like a mad woman trying to accomplish odds 'n ends in between her feedings and time awake. I've been slacking on tummy time, which I'm determined to change. My Mommy 'n Me class says we should be doing it several times a day.

Clothes Size:
Newborn onesies, pants, and outfits; and 0-3 month gowns. 

Hair Color:
At birth: Bald {lol} / light brown
At three weeks: coming in more and more each day in the back, brown

Eye Color:
At birth: dark blue
At three weeks: dark blueish-hazely-green
(Mom has dark brown, Dad has green with a little hazel)

Weight:  
She weighed 6lbs 14oz at birth, but we have no idea what she weighed when we left the hospital. At one week, she dropped to 6lbs 8oz, but then was back up to her birth weight at two weeks. Now, at three weeks, she weighs exactly 7 pounds 


Milestone:
Mommy finally figuring out how to use the Moby Wrap. It has been a lifesaver! When Emmy is wide awake and I need to get stuff done, like say, ummm brush my teeth perhaps, I just stuff put her in there {she cries at first} then she LOVES it! And I love having my little girl all snuggled up with me :) WIN! WIN!

My mommy says I'm cute... and she ain't lion!
{bwahaha}


Mommy Stats:

Pre-Pregnancy weight: 
110






Day of delivery weight: 
141
{last belly pic taken at 38 weeks}

Current weight: 
119


Weight to go: 
9 pounds!
Pre-pregnancy size: 
0
Current size: 
I can get my size zero jeans up around my hips, but can't quite fully zip and button them. Guess I'll be living in leggings this winter!


I'm surprised at how much weight came off in such a short amount of time. And can you believe I never got a single stretch mark? {please don't hate!} I never spoke or wrote about it in, in fear that I would jinx it! ha! I can't wait until the doc gives me the go ahead to exercise. For now, I'll just be enjoying stroller walks with my girl. I plan on documenting my progress, so hopefully it'll hold me accountable! 


:)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Time He Looked Like a Jerk

My husband is the most chivalrous man I know (he learned it from his father).


He's the type of guy that will ALWAYS open every.single.door (car included) for me.


But the other day, he looked like the biggest jerk.


In his defense though, it wasn't his fault. I made him look like that.


Let me explain... We needed to go to Target to get some baby bottles. I told Blake I didn't want him to help me with the baby because I needed to learn how to "go out" by myself. Since I'm a stay-at-home-mom, I'm going to want/have to get out of the house with Emmy. I'll also have to run a lot of errands without my husband since he has a demanding schedule with med school (and this is only the beginning). I did, however, want B to "chaperone" me just in case I really needed his help! =P


So... I drove the three of us to Target. One tip I've received is always park next to the cart return. (Vanessa, if you're reading this, your mom taught me that!) That way, you don't have to lug the car seat alllll the way back to your car. So that's just what I did. We got out of the car and I went to take Emmalyn out, while Blake just idly stood by. There actually weren't any carts in the cart return, so I had to carry the car seat all the way into Target. 


This made B pretty uncomfortable (and me laugh out loud) because people were already staring at him. They were probably thinking, Look at that guy--he's not helping his young wife with their new baby?! We get inside Target and I go to put the car seat in the cart. I don't know about your local Target carts, but the car seat doesn't exactly fit perfectly. I kept finagling it around and was asking B if it looked okay. He was using hand gestures to try and show me what to do, but didn't physically help me.... so, again... we got even more stare-downs. 


It was so important to me, though, that I stayed Little Miss Independent. If B helped me, how was I to know if I were able to do this by myself, right? Trying to see over Em's car seat was actually the most challenging, y'all! My five-foot-two body could just barely see over the top and I was worried I was going to run over a small child or old lady, or maybe even a display. That would be sooo embarrassing!


When it came time to check out, Blake STILL didn't help me. I put all the bags in the cart and made sure to get out my sunglasses and keys before heading out the door. I was trying my best to think ahead. This was the part I was most nervous about... How was I going to get the bags and baby in the car, AND return the cart? 


This is where parking by the cart return comes in handy. First, I put all the bags in the trunk. I then made the mistake of taking Emmy out of the cart next. This made it difficult to return the cart because I only had one readily available hand and had to maneuver it around without hitting my car. What I should have done was stroll the cart to the return, THEN take the car seat out. (Rookie...)


Next, I put Emmy in the car, but Blake did have to remind me to push down the handle bar (whoops...thanks, babe!)


All in all, though, it was a huge success, I'd say! Since I was on a roll, I even went to get gas afterwards. Normally, I lock all the doors when I'm by myself, but this time I kept the driver's door open. Even though I had the keys in my hand, I still had a fear that if I shut the driver's door it would somehow magically lock and my keys wouldn't work! (mommy paranoia much?)


Even when we got home, B still didn't help me. I brought Emmy into the house first (and left her in the car seat), then propped the door open so I could carry in the bags, then took Indy outside. 


The. End. 


*phew*


Are any of you seasoned mommas reminiscing about your first outing with a baby? Was it anything like mine? A success? Or maybe a complete 'mom FAIL'? Do tell.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Happy Hanukkah!

What's great about having an interfaith family is we never have to split the holidays between the in-laws ;)

[Who knew Betty Crocker made Hanukkah candles? ;) ...I forgot to buy some for the first night, so this is all B could find at Publix lol] 


*****
My parents came this weekend for Emmy's 1st Hanukkah:
[thanks cousin Alice for the adorable onesie!]





Happy Hanukkah!


Sunday, December 5, 2010

Sunday Stickies

Things I never thought I'd do with my newborn baby...
{but we all know how this went down and it's been one of the best decisions we've made for our family... and that's all that matters}

{I used to *gasp* at the moms who brought their teeny tiny babies to public places like Target and Wally World, but honestly, when you gotta go, you gotta go. We just made sure to keep our hands clean, and covered her up!}

{Oh, this one. I was TOTALLY against pacifiers before I was pregnant. But let's be real... my girl needs it. There are just times when she needs a soothie. And there are times when mom is falling over starving needs to fix lunch and has a fussy baby who does not want to be put down. The binky fix allows me to do that. She'll usually only suck on it for a few minutes, then spit it out, or we'll take it out after she's calmed down. Blake looked up the medical pro's and con's of pacifiers: 
PROS: soothes a fussy baby, temporary distraction, help baby fall asleep, and may help reduce sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) [source]}
[she still looks cute!]

{I never thought I'd be okay leaving my baby behind, but last night my parents watched Emmy for a few hours while B and I finally went to see Harry Potter. I missed her, but I wasn't a nervous wreck like I thought I'd be! Go me!}

Happy Sunday, Everyone!


If you haven't read Emmy's Birth Story yet, check it out here!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Emmalyn's Birth Story

Okay, so where to even begin?!

On Tuesday, November 16th at 1:30pm Blake and I went to my 39-week check-up. One of my doctor’s, Dr. JS, talked about inducing at forty weeks. This was something B and I didn’t want to do because we wanted Emmalyn to come on her own. BUT I was not opposed to having my membranes stripped. I asked the doctor if she does that and she said yes. I figured it was worth a shot to try and help get things moving along. At this time I was 1.5cm dilated and 80% effaced. Immediately after Dr. JS stripped my membranes, the contractions were coming about ten minutes apart. [And yes, stripping the membranes hurts!]

After the appointment, B dropped me off at home while he went to a meeting at school. The contractions started coming about five minutes apart shortly after he left so I called B to warn him. He said he’d have his phone on him during the meeting. At 4:45pm, I lost my mucus plug. I called B and he said he’d be right home. We packed up the car and went to Labor & Delivery, not sure if this was the real thing or not. My contractions were 3-5 minutes apart, but they weren’t terribly painful. I wasn’t sure if they were supposed to be excruciating at this point or not? But I wanted to be safe, rather than sorry!

They hooked me up to a monitor for about an hour and a half, but sent me home at 9:45 because my contractions were not strong enough to dilate me. But... the contractions were regular at 3 minutes apart, so the nurse said she wouldn’t be surprised if I were back the next day. By 11:00pm, the contractions were getting a lot stronger, but I was still able to get some sleep [on & off].

On Wednesday, November 17th, I woke up around 6:30am with painful contractions. They were certainly much stronger than the night before. I was doubling over in pain. B was sleeping oh.so.soundly. and I remember totally wanting to hit him! But I knew I would need his strength later on and wanted him to be well rested. After a while of rolling around in pain in bed, I told Blake I think I should have some breakfast, and then go to the hospital. [I wanted to have a full stomach before going to the hospital in case I wouldn't be able to eat for a long time.] I ended up eating in the car because the pain was that! bad! I didn’t want to wait any longer...

On our way to the hospital, I was trying to stay calm and breathe through the contractions. At this point, I was struggling to talk through them. The ride to the hospital seemed like F..O..R..E..V..E..R.. My mom actually called me on the way there. I told her we were on our way and she said she’d start driving over. I told her to wait for us to call and let her know if I was going to be admitted since we were sent home the night before.

We got to the hospital around 8am. We actually saw my other doctor, Dr. AS in the parking lot. He said, “Are you gonna have a baby?” I answered, “I hope so!!” I then had to stop in the middle of the lot because the contractions were so strong. He followed us in to the hospital and said he’d check me. I told him my contractions had been three minutes apart since about 4pm yesterday. He said he’d go ahead and admit me, and break my water.

YIKES!!!! I started getting nervous… I immediately had B call my mom and tell her to come on down. [She lives two hours away]

At 8:45am, Dr. AS broke my water. He checked my cervix, which was uncomfortable like always, but I didn’t even feel my water break, except it gush down my leg [TMI?] At this point I was 2cm dilated and 80% effaced.

The contractions started picking up—A LOT stronger. It was very difficult to get through them. I decided I wanted the epidural. I went to the bathroom since I had a lot of IV fluids in preparation for the epidural. I had back-to-back contractions and felt like I needed to have a bowel movement with every contraction. It was extremely difficult to get through them. I couldn’t even get up off the toilet because they were coming so quickly.

At 9:45am, a nurse anesthetist came in and I started getting the shakes. I didn’t think I was nervous, but I guess I was. But the epidural was a cinch! It didn’t hurt at all, yo. Shortly after, I got the catheter put in, and that was a quick, sharp pain. My mom got there at the same time as I was getting the epidural, but they wouldn’t let her in until the nurse cleared out at about 10:30am. I guess this is when they started the Pitocin, too. It’s funny because at the time I didn’t realize I was being induced.

At 11:00am, my mom, B, and I were chatting and watching the episode of Glee we missed the night before. I’m glad I got the epidural. I was in so much pain at 2cm dilated, that I couldn’t imagine having to get through to 10cm! The whole environment of the room completely changed after I got the cocktail—I was laughing and enjoying the whole experience. [I still don’t regret my decision]


At 11:45am, I was 100% effaced and 3-4cm dilated, so my doctor decided to go to lunch.
At 1:30pm, the epidural was wearing off on the right side, below my waist. [eek]
At 1:40 I asked to be checked because I was feeling an urge to bear down. I was 7-8cm! They called the doctor to come back to the hospital.
At 2:10, I was feeling even more of an urge and asked to be checked again. I was 9cm! The doctor was back at the hospital now.
At 2:25pm, we were READY TO PUSH!

I didn’t really know what to do though, haha! At this point, my epidural wore off on the right and I asked if they could fix it, but the nurse said there was nothing we could do—it was too late. Great…! With every contraction, I had to push three times, holding my breath for ten seconds each time. This was difficult for me to get the hang of at first because I wanted to exhale as I was pushing. But that does nothing for you.

I kept pushing and pushing and really had no idea what was going on down there. The baby nurse asked if I wanted a mirror. I don’t know why, but I said yes. Originally I thought I would never want a mirror—that it would be really gross, but honestly, it helped SO MUCH! I highly recommend it to anyone. Before the mirror, I thought I was making a lot of progress. For all I knew, half her head was out. That definitely wasn’t the case, people. It’s like taking two steps forward and one step back. With the mirror, though, I was able to see exactly what I was doing. And when Dr. AS said, “That’s it! That’s how you should be pushing,” I was able to see what he was talking about. Without the mirror, I had no clue.

At the time I felt like I was pushing forever. The urge to push really is amazingly natural. Since only half my epidural was working, I was able to feel my contractions. I told the doctor when I wanted to push, he didn’t tell me. The worst part of it all was that I was running a fever and was terribly H-O-T. I felt like I was going to pass out! Especially since I had to hold my breath three times right in a row. And I couldn’t even think about trying to fight a contraction. When I was having one, I was pushing—there was no way around it. And it's not even worth trying to half-ass a push. You just get even more tired. It’s amazing, too, how little the doctor actually does. He just sits at the end of the bed and waits until there’s a head to catch. [lol]

It’s been two weeks and it’s already hard to even remember how I was feeling through all this. Pushing her head out was definitely the hardest part. With a few strong pushes, using everything I had in me [I was sooo determined!] her head was out! One more push, and Ahhhh… the biggest relief I’ve ever felt in my entire life!

Finally, at 3:39pm, Emmalyn Grace took her first breath! I immediately started crying as soon as they put her on my chest. I couldn’t believe I was finally holding my daughter.


***
Skyping with Emmy's 'Auntie Ree'/godmother/Blake's oldest sister & my Dad back in Orlando [gotta love technology!]:
1st Family Picture:
Studying with Daddy at 3 in the morning:
Going home outfit:


You know, I wrote a two-page birth plan, but it never made it out of the bag. I just went with the flow, and asked the nurses questions as I had them. A lot of things happened differently than I imagined, but in the end, everything was just p.e.r.f.e.c.t.

[But don’t go thinking there’s gonna be another one anytime soon ;o)]

*And in case you're wondering about the nausea... I haven't been nauseous since I stopped breast feeding. I'm feeling so much better! Tired of course, but gaining my strength back*


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Let's Be Real.

Sometimes the things you want, aren't always what's best for you.


Case in point... breast feeding.


I've always known I've wanted to breast feed, and since becoming pregnant I always assumed I'd do it for about six to nine months. I knew it wasn't going to be easy even though it's supposed to be natural. I've read and read and talked and talked to women about it. I felt prepared.


Boy, was I wrong.


So you know how I've been so nauseous? [Are you as sick of that word as I am??!] Well, since all of my millions of blood work from three OB and two ER visits came back normal, I started questioning if my nausea was psychological. As I mentioned in my last post, I started wondering if it had anything to do with my mom leaving after ten days? But I ruled that out after STILL feeling nauseous days after she left. I wasn't paranoid or anxious about taking care of Emmalyn. She's a pretty easy baby (so far... knock on wood!) I wasn't depressed, although I questioned this. I seriously tried thinking of how I could be depressed, but nothing came to me.


Then I started thinking about breast feeding. In the beginning things were pretty normal. She was latching on all right, I was sore and tender, but it wasn't terrible. I felt confident Emmalyn was getting what she needed. Em was born on a Wednesday and by Saturday... BAM! My milk came it. It's just like people say... it hits you like a brick.


And guess what day I started feeling nauseous? Yep. The same Saturday. I never thought anything about it at the time. Over the last few days breast feeding has not been going well. For Emmalyn, yes. For me? notsomuch. It has been painful to say the least. I've literally been dreading feeding her. That's not supposed to happen. The whole anticipation and preparation of breast feeding has made me terribly anxious and stressed. I've totally been beating myself up about it and I feel like my body just cannot keep up.... I've been setting my alarm about fifteen minutes ahead of Em's feedings so I can fill both my gatorade and water bottles, plus eat a little something. Then, I change her, set up the bed with the pillows I like, sit down to nurse... And then, there's the pain! So much pain I am gripping the sheets, shouting expletives, and crying in my husband's arms. Plus, the whole process from the time I get up, to the time she finishes feedings lasts an hour!


I cannot go on like this. It's not worth it. To me.


Blake and I have had several discussions over the last few days about whether to continue breast feeding or not. I've had a war with myself over it. (As well as debated posting this since people can be so judgey) Should I stop? Will I regret it if I do? Should I just try to get through the first month--I've heard it gets so much better... 


While all this was going on, I started thinking that maybe I'm nauseous because of the anxiety over breast feeding. Maybe I'm making myself sick over it. So Monday night, B and I decided we would supplement with formula, while I pumped a little to get relief. Then, at Em's pedi appointment on Tuesday, we'd talk to the doctor about stopping breast feeding. Remember how when I pumping before, I was expressing nearly 4oz at every sitting? Well, this time when I pumped, I was barely getting ONE ounce between the two girls. Whaaaat??? Maybe that's why things have been hurting so bad--Emmy is trying and trying to get stuff out and it's just not happening because nothing's there anymore...? It's hard to tell since you can't see.


Any way... were my suspicions correct? Is the nausea related to the breast feeding? Well, I'm no expert, but since late Monday night when I stopped breast feeding, I have not been nauseous, y'all! Now, I do have a clogged duct in my left breast, so I'm experiencing 'flu-like' achey-ness, which is normal. (I'm applying a warm wash cloth and taking hot showers to help clear it up) Plus, I'm a new mom so my energy is still low and I'm tired, so I'm not feeling 100% like myself quite yet. But no nausea.


At Emmalyn's pedi appointment yesterday, her doctor was fully supportive of my decision. She said I need to be happy! And if mom isn't happy, nobody--especially baby--is happy. She was very adamant I don't beat myself up over breast feeding. She said in order to stop breast feeding, I just do it cold turkey, and the nurse at my OB's office said the same thing... and to wear a tight bra!


So how am I feeling emotionally? Let's be real... I can't help but feel a little sad. I don't feel like a failure because I honestly gave it my all, and for two weeks Emmy got tons of nutrients and immunity from me. (Although B says my immunity sucks any way... LOL) I'm not even worried about what people will say. But I loved that when I was nursing, it was just me and my girl; and I loved that she'd hold my finger by her ear. BUT, I know I can get special-mommy-daughter-time in other ways. My mom did. She could only breast feed for two weeks, before she stopped producing milk (which could possibly be what happened to me, too...???) and my mom and I are super close to this day, so I don't see any reason why Em and I won't be.


I've talked to a few family members about this and while they all say, don't beat yourself up over stopping, but I can't help it. It's sort of like I have to go through a little mourning. Not in an extreme sort of way. Just a little grieving. I'm confident I made the right decision for me... for my sanity, for my body and well-being. And what's best for me, is ultimately the best for my daughter.


It may be too soon to tell if the nausea is related to the breast feeding, but it does seem very possible. It all matches up.... the nausea started the day my milk came in, and the nausea has ceased (so far) the day I stopped breast feeding. Makes you think...?




*Thank you ALL for your sincere words and genuine well-wishes over the past couple of weeks. It means so much to me that y'all care. I'm truly grateful.


**Today Emmalyn and I are off to a 'Little Nippers' class at the hospital I delivered at. It's for new moms to discuss EVERYTHING & ANYTHING! I'm excited to go, but nervous because it's my first time driving since delivery, plus my first time alone with my girl. PLUS, it's icky and cold out today and I don't have anything to wear post-partum! HA! Wish us luck!

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