Sunday, November 7, 2010

Sunday Stickies--Raincheck

Even though last week was the first time I did "Sunday Stickies," I'm going to have to take a raincheck today. There's something else I want to write about. It's not for fun, or for you--but for me. 


Last night, my mom called me at the end of a very long, fun, and productive day to tell me my childhood dog, Sassy passed away. I have had Sassy since I was in the FIRST GRADE! She was just two months shy of SEVENTEEN years old! Can you believe that?! 


We knew it was coming. Even though she's never been in any pain, we were pretty sure she was almost completely blind and deaf. About a month ago, I believe, my mom and I talked about putting her down, if/when the possibility should arise. I told her I didn't want her to tell me until after the baby was born. In mind, I thought I just wouldn't be able to handle it, and it wouldn't be healthy for me to get so upset. I was crying just having the conversation. I didn't want to think about it. And every time I went home to visit my parents, I would hug and kiss Sassy goodbye, knowing very well it could be my last time seeing her.


It actually happened on Wednesday, but because Blake had a really big test on Friday, my mom made the decision to wait to tell me. My mom told Blake ahead of time and together they also made the decision it would be best to tell me before the baby, instead of waiting until after she was born, or in December when we go home to visit them. It's not something I thought I'd want, but I'm actually very glad she told me. Some days when I talked to my mom on the phone I'd ask her how Sassy was doing. I know she would be caught off-guard and wouldn't know whether to lie or tell the truth. If she lied, she's probably hesitate, which then I'd know. And if she told the truth right on the spot, I might not be in a strong enough condition to handle the news, or B wouldn't be around. 


I'm glad she told me how and when she did. I cried and cried (especially since my mom was crying, too), but I was actually a lot calmer and a lot more in control than I ever imagined I would be. What got me to stay calm was thinking about my daughter inside me--I didn't want to get my heart rate going, and her's, too. But if I had not been pregnant, I'm sure I would have completely lost it. My mom just said things turned for the worse fast. I won't go into details, but I don't think she was in pain. My parents made the decision to send her to be with God. I just feel bad I wasn't there to be with them. But I know if I were there, at nine months pregnant, I wouldn't be able to handle it. 


It's going to be very strange going back home in December, without her greeting me at the door. But she lived such a long life. Not only have I had her since first grade, but she made it through my driver's license, college graduation, engagement, wedding, and almost baby. I'm so thankful for that.


If you stuck around long enough to read this, thank you. If not, that's okay, too. This was for me. And because "I'm-sorry-for-your-loss's " , "Hang-in-there's" , & "I'm-thinkin-of-you's" make me cry even more, please don't feel obligated to comment today. But if you do, a simple " :) " will say it all.
[Sassy and me before my wedding]



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