Tuesday, March 29, 2011

wouldn't change a thing,

tomorrow, emmy, indy, and i are headed out the door to visit our hubby/daddy. & to be honest, i'm a little nervous. it's the first time i've been back to 'our home' since the postpartum depression started & i had to move back home. blake's come and visited us here numerous weekends, but i've yet to go see him. a part of me is really excited to go back because, well let's face it, three-fourths of my closet is still there... but the other part is scared to go back to the place where i hit rock bottom. i know it's impossible not to have ptsd, but i have to remember how far i've come since then. 

 i have learned a lot about myself, & am more confident as a person & mother because i have seen what i'm capable of. i know i haven't really talked about my ppd a lot, although i really want to since i think there's a big fat stigma sticker slapped onto it, that needs to be ripped off like a bandaid. it's something that no one can really understand unless they've been through it before, but i think all mothers can agree that having a child is a lot more difficult than you imagined, and sometimes you think to yourself: no other mother could possibly be going through what i'm going through. & there are a lot of moms who don't ever really share how they're feeling. fortunately, i have found many fellow mom-bloggers whom have shared quite a bit, which i am grateful for & think more women should do. just sayin'

but the truth of the matter is, this shit is hard. no amount of babysitting, nannying, or schooling can prepare you as a mother. sure, i knew a thing or two about swaddling & diapering, but the hormones? pshhleeaase... you can't prepare or practice for that in lamaze class.

with that being said, i am now well aware of how to deal with it should there ever be a round 2. & i am also able to empathize with other women with ppd. the irony of it all is that i'm actually glad i went through all that i did. it has made me into a better person than i was before getting pregnant. believe it. 

& even though it has taken me forever & a day to write this because i have a low-grade-feverish-baby-because-she-just-got-shots-yesterday-strapped-to-the-front-of me, i wouldn't change a thing.

so tomorrow, we're off to see our #1 man. say a little prayer?



  1. Will definitely be thinking of you tomorrow! I hope it all goes well and you all have a great visit and weekend!<3

  2. lots of prayers going your way <3 <3

  3. I will definitely be thinking of you lovely lady.
    I have been there and back three times with PPD, each one a little different than the other, so I can totally empathize with what you're going through.
    Thinking of you as you head home to see your love... and you're right, it really IS all worth it! *Hugs*

  4. Can't wait to see you! Play date? Game night? So glad you are doing better and although trials freaking suck a big one, they typically make you stronger...I guess that is the point of them. Those little ones are so entirely worth it!

  5. Good luck tomorrow! I will be thinking about you.

  6. I hope today goes well! I'm sure with Blake by your side you and Emmy (and Indy, of course!) will have a great visit.
    Sending positive thoughts your way!

  7. I'm so glad that you are doing so much better. I can't even imagine what you went through, but I'm so happy that you still feel like it was all worth it. Thinking of you girly :-)


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