The following was written exactly one year ago today...
January 19, 2011
I'm really trying to have a positive outlook on this whole situation. My group therapist really said some insightful words to live by. He said that just because we lack the motivation doesn't mean we can't do it. In other words, just because I may not feel like doing something, it doesn't mean I can't. I have to make the decision to get my BUTT UP!
He also shared that driven people do what's best regardless of their feelings. I know that getting up and doing the things that make me feel good, are what's best for me. I need to try to do better in order to feel better.
It's going to take time and practice, but my mood WILL catch up and get better. And most importantly, in order to gain momentum in my recovery, I have to GET MOVING!!!
My group therapist asked me today about how I can turn my struggle into a positive thing/outcome...
My hope is to be able to help other women going through Postpartum Depression. I don't think women are well-enough informed; are confused, lost, and/or ashamed. Often times they're alone, too. After I come out of this, my plan and goal is to write an article about my experience and send it out to parent/family magazines in hope that someone will publish it.
I'd also really love to be able to talk to expectant mothers at their prenatal classes. I think raising awareness is highly important. I wish there had been a woman to do that for me. I might have gotten help sooner.
I think there's a big stigma about PPD. Women don't want to talk about it because they feel ashamed, and like they're crazy for these illogical, but very scary thoughts. If gone untreated, PPD can worsen and become dangerous. most of the time, women with PPD need medication and psychotherapy [talk therapy]. There is no shame in this treatment.
My current state is kind of an oxymoron--I'm hopeful, but frustrated. I have read and heard that this will pass and get better, but I have a hard time believing it some days. I'm having a difficult time accepting that it's going to take time. Normally I'm very patient, but not with this. I keep telling myself this is happening for a reason--I just need to keep moving to get there. And just like car headlights only show us what's 160 feet in front of us, somehow we always make it to our destination. Safely.
What that means to me is: just because I can't see the end result (my destination), doesn't mean I won't get there. I just have to keep driving.
To read about my postpartum depression from the beginning, click here.